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Sexual Purity: 10 Words of Counsel For Single Christians

John Piper gives ten words of counsel in this fourteen minute video on sexual purity for single Christians.

Feel free to watch the video, or you can just read the ten counsels below, to go along with all of the the follow-up points that Piper makes.

1) Do not seek regular sexual gratification through masturbation. 

  • Don’t use it because it does not solve the problem in the long run.
  • It does not relieve and release the pressure for very long.
  • It becomes habitual.
  • It produces guilt.
  • It contradicts the God given design for sexuality.
  • Our bodies are designed for fulfillment through personal union and self-stimulation contradicts that purpose, and produces a sense of wrongness.
  • Last of all, masturbation is inevitably accompanied by sexual fantasies which we would otherwise not allow ourselves in reality.

2) Do not seek sexual satisfaction through touching or being touch by another person. 

  • This rule applies even if you keep it short of sexual intercourse.
  • Intimate touching is the prelude to sexual intercourse.
  • If you stop, you get frustrated and end up in masturbation.
  • Caressing and touching tend to become manipulation of another person for a cheap, private, and personal thrill.

3) Avoid unnecessary sexual stimulation. 

  • Be aware of movies, magazines, and other forms of media that may increase temptation.

4) When the stimulation and desire starts to come, perform a very conscious act of transfer to Christ. 

  • I wish someone would have shown me this years ago.
  • I learned this after I was married.
  • When tempted, take the desire, and very consciously pray something like this, “Jesus, it’s there now. And I acknowledge that you are my Lord and God. My greatest desire is to obey and delight in you. Therefore, Lord, I take this desire, purge it, and give it to you. And I thank you for liberating me.”
  • It’s remarkable how much power we can gain by the direction of our desires.

5) Pray that God would give you a longing to love and obey him above all else. 

  • The most effective way to get rid of a desire you have but don’t want is to push it out, and replace it with a new one.
  • You can’t effectively get rid of your sexual desire any other way; it must be replaced.
  • Prayer is the summoning of divine assistance to produce those new desires.

6) Bathe your mind in the Word of God everyday. 

  • Jesus prayed for his disciples, “Sanctify them in your truth; your word is truth” (John 17:17).
  • The person who does not take up the sword of the Spirit is going to lose in the battle for his life.

7) Keep yourselves busy.

  • When there is time for leisure, to quote Paul, seek your leisure in things that are pure, lovely, excellent, and worthy of praise.
  • Idleness in a society like ours is asking for trouble.
  • It is much harder for sexual temptation to get a foothold in our lives when we are busy.

8) Don’t spend too much time alone.

  • This is not easy for some singles.
  • The church has to help you with this; you must spend time with Christian people.
  • “Don’t forsake the assembling of yourselves together” (Hebrews 10:25). The context of this is not just on Sunday mornings, but in many times, in all kinds of situations.
  • Get together, encourage one another to love and good works.
  • Talk about your struggles with trusted friends; hold each other accountable for purity.

9) Strive to think of all people, especially people of the opposite sex, in relation to eternity.

  • It is not easy to sexually fantasize about a person if you think about the eternal torment that person might shortly suffer in hell due to their unbelief.
  • Paul says we know no one according to the flesh (2 Cor. 5:16).  That means we look to everyone from God’s perspective.
  • That will clean up your mind in a hurry.

10) Resolve to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and he will add to you everything you need sexually.

  • All the sex that you need will be added to you.
  • That may be a spouse; it may not be. It may mean the grace and freedom to live single in peace and in joy and contentment.
  • That’s God’s job. Our job is to seek first the kingdom of God.

Anything else you’d add? Post your comments below.

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